5MeO-DMT Day

The day started with me getting up, doing my morning routine then driving to Red Deer to work at Nolan’s house.

I worked in his upstairs bathroom, removing tile, patching, and installing a medicine cabinet. We also removed an old gas fireplace. It was a fairly big, productive day.

When we were finished that we went upstairs and did a 5MeODMT session.

I was very nervous, I didn’t know what was going to happen. As Nolan scooped two of the tiniest scoops of a light cream colored powder into the vaporizer and prepared it for me he asked me what sort of intentions I had, or what I was hoping to get out of the experience. I told him I was looking to find some connection to spirituality, also maybe a notion approximating why anything? But these things are hard to define, explain, or quantify in any tangible sense... So I didn’t really know what I should want to take away from the experience.

It didn’t matter really anyway. I figured based on some of the descriptions I had heard of trips before that the experience would let me know what I wanted to get from it.

As we had this conversation Nolan put on some very mellow, non-descript music, something pleasant but not really interesting enough to take much notice of. I think it was the perfect music for where I was about to go.

Nolan explained how to use the vaporizer and assured me that he had never left anyone on the other side of a DMT trip. Then right before I embraced the apparatus he reminded me to try to “go with it... Don’t fight it.”

I told myself to go with it, but I had no clue what that meant. I didn’t know where it was going to go but I just told myself that there’s only a short time to experience it so embrace whatever you can.

Nolan presented the straw and I pulled back the load, I breathed in on top of the smoke, held it in and laid back.

A psychedelic V of color and sound started rolling down my vision. It circled my head. The music moved from the speaker on the dresser into the center of my skull and then filled the entire world around me. The blurry kaleidoscope of my peripheral churned into tack sharp fractals swirling and interlocking towards a central point that then expanded outwards into infinity. It was beautiful. Pastel soft pink and blue and iridescent waves sparkling like sun flickering on a distant cosmic ocean. The ceiling was chatoyant and flat and everything in between. I started feeling this curiousness that seemed to pull me forward deeper into the experience.

As the folding fractals rolled on I started to notice cycling sensations in my body, so many sensations. I felt the warm tingling of an intense MDMA high washing over me and then receding. I felt anxiety start to bubble up in my chest but it was okay. I was able to notice it and then move on, it was wonderful. It was the kind of anxiety a child gets when excited to go on a rollercoaster or jump off of a high diving board. I’m sure I whispered “Oh wow.” As I meandered through the trip, laying in rapture and awe, feeling the universe feeling me. I felt as though I was a conduit that everything was experiencing everything else through, and I believe that to be true still even though the notion is not as vividly present now.

I was aware of infinity’s awareness of every single miniscule microcosm of experience. I knew that the awareness of that expanse existed through me because I am experiencing everything that I experience. Without my consciousness, for me, the infinite would not exist. I am under no delusion that we are gods but rather God is whatever that consciousness with all of its intent is. We are an offshoot of that, a hair on the head of understanding and definite knowledge. Yet, that definition seems paltry and insufficient. There is beauty permeating everything and that cosmic consciousness is in love with it. Perpetuating good is the meaning of life, the reason life continues it’s stride through this whimsical and fantastic celestial soup, and it is that because that drives existence and expansion. Negativity only exists to make things smaller. Negativity is the antithesis to life. It is inevitable and necessary but it’s only purpose is to ensure the rearview isn’t empty. There must be contrast to give perspective. I articulate this last point only now as at the “understanding layer” of the experience the idea of negativity was completely foreign or absent for me.

The colors twisted on and the music started to saunter back to its place on the dresser.

As the visuals and transcendent sensation faded I can only describe coming out of it as a birth of sorts. I passed through an ethereal membrane back into reality. Nolan was there and he in that moment while I sat disoriented and reeling, was beautiful. Everything was beautiful. I had never felt such love and connection as I did with the universe in that moment. It was incredibly powerful and humbling. I thought of my wife and kids and was overwhelmed with a sense of connectedness. We hugged and I’m sure I was crying and laughing and raving, but it didn’t matter because I could feel that Nolan knew the gist of what I had experienced.

I also felt like my experience was genuinely something special to him as well.

After the overwhelmingly sensory portion was over and the euphoria subsided into something more coherent and maintainable we discussed what the experience was like. Then we just kind of bullshat for a bit before I had to take my leave.

It was a very profound experience I would put up there with the birth of my children or my wedding day. Lee figures it’s probably even above those things in a way as it has put a wholly new perspective on every thing a person has experienced and understands. It’s crazy. It’s beautiful. It has left a wake of serenity and satiation. Thank you universe. I love you.